Happy/Crappy

Strange... there is some really, really awesome news, and really good times, but also some
utterly depressing whining. So business as usual really. After waking at seven, eating chocolate, and then a breakfast of pink champagne and smoked salmon (Aunty's Xmas tradition #1), this may be somewhat incoherent. It was a lot of pink champagne.

First, and most pressing news alert can be that I can not breathe. My aunty has a cat. I am allergic to cats. They don't make me sneeze, although that may just be the constant antihistamine pill overdose I've been maintaining. No, cats give me asthma, which invariably develops into a horrible pneumonia type disease. I don't even have asthma, for gods' sake.

Next, and definitely most brilliant news, is that my cousin proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas Eve. As it was also her birthday, they all went out for a meal, and afterwards he popped the question. Definite cause for celebration there.

Now, as today is Christmas, I should say what presents and stuff I got. Lots of acrylic and oil paints, and brushes. Proper art supplies too, a nice step up from the usual stuff I buy from the remaindered book store. Although, of course, an 'investment' present which comes loaded with obligations. All I'm going to hear from my dad for the next few months will be, 'Have you done any painting?' There's no more certain way to destroy any chance I have of making anything worthwhile. I need to train my 'creativity' and 'inspiration' to be slightly less temperamental. And slightly less shy. If anybody takes an interest in what I do, or there is some obligation on me to create, then it fucks off, just to make me look stupid. The excuse of 'artistic temperament can only take you so far.
My other presents were £40 total from various relatives, an irregular pearl and garnet bracelet, and plenty chocolate. Oh, and some fluffy pink fairy lights. That's my room sorted,

We had an awesome Christmas dinner. My aunty didn't serve just a turkey. She served a partridge, in a pheasant, in a chicken, in a turkey. We each had a gift at our place setting. (Aunty's Xmas tradition #2) Most people got one of those alcohol miniatures gift sets. Mine is a little bottle of champagne and truffles. And I am finally allowed to drink more than one glass of wine, without parents breathing down my neck and suggesting that I am about to fall paraletic to the ground after my alloted three units of alcohol. After dinner, my aunty's husband (bear with me, this gets a bit surreal now) came in dressed as Robin (of Batman & Robin), and gave us each another present. (Aunty's Xmas tradition in the making) Him and aunty, his kids, and his wife's son and his new fiance got big shiny boxes, and they had to wait until we had opened our presents until they could open them. My gift was the Firefly box set. I have Firefly!!! Then the mysterious boxes were opened, and inside they got a piece of paper, informing them of their holiday to Florida this Easter. Of course, some shocked overjoyedness all round there. Holidays seem to be the new thing in gift giving. My brother's girlfriend is getting a week in New York for her eighteenth soon. This recession really is starting to bite...

So yes, everybody is happy. Even me. I just have caveats. Like unseemly rage, envy, and dissatisfaction. Spending time with smug rich people whose kids get more presents for one Xmas than I got in a whole year tends to do that. And now of course, they are all talking about Florida and Disneyland, and all the wonderful holidays they've been on, and the incredibly fabulous rich people they know, who have also done hundreds of wonderful things.
I will be spending tonight in an annexe room from my parents' hotel room, to get away from the cats. Sadly, being in hotels with my parents seems to bring out the worst, most childishly offensive parts of my already sullen personality. I hate it.

I have rediscovered my anger. Not the good, rage against injustice, type anger, but the snarl of the terminally bored and disatisfied, raging against nothing and everything in revenge for the person who I've turned into. I actually threatened to 'feckin' smack' my dad yesterday. I get my temper from him. And it's a horrible temper. I don't want to be horrible. Especially not on Christmas.

I've just watched Doctor Who, with a giant Cyberman. It was awesome. But then, we expect no less from the Doctor. Now we're waiting for something else worth watching on TV. I am hiding behind the sofa typing in an unsociable manner. It's that stage of Christmas where nobody can be bothered, the old people are watching Dancing on Strictly Soap Opera X-Factor Ice, and you realise that none of your presents have any immediate entertaainment value. I think I'll go find something to drink, and then watch the new Wallace and Gromit: Loaf and Death. Sounds suitably inoffensive and festive.

Christmas Eve

Oh dear. Everything is ready, the presents are all wrapped. I stayed up late enough for it to be the start of Christmas Eve. It's 1:50am. At 9am I wake up/will be forcibly awoken, and then at noon, we travel.
My aunty's house for Christmas this year. She's been phoning us with regular updates about the preparation for 6 months. For the last 2 months, these have been daily calls. Everything will be perfectly prepared, with only the best, most perfect foods and decorations. Everybody must be on their best behaviour. And this being my aunty, if anything goes wrong, at all, then the whole meticulously planned edifice of Christmas Day will come crashed down, ruining the entire year. So yes. I will try and refrain from smoking and swearing. Even I am starting to be shocked by the filthy gutter language that comes out of my mouth. And indeed, I will try to be sociable. I seem to conveniently have hit a patch of low mood, just in time for the festivities.

I hate Christmas. Apart from the obvious and oft-repeated reasons of tackiness and expense, I have my own unhappy associations with this event. During Christmas dinner, hosted by this same aunty two years ago, we got a phonecall saying that my grandad was ill. This turned out to be the stroke which devastated his life so totally. A year later, he was mute and paralysed in a nursing home. Two weeks after that, he died. You know life has dealt a harsh hand, when you are glad that somebody you love has finally gone.

However, I do know that he would want us all to have a bloody great Christmas.

Scabette's Guide to Xmas Part 2

Now, here is the really important, meaning of Christmas stuff: SHOPPING!

Xmas shopping can be both brilliant fun, and a terrible ordeal. Searching every shop in existance for an elusive suitable gift is possibly the most disheartening experience known to man. Shopping is hard work. My own preferred strategy is massive amounts of stimulant drugs, but coffee, Red Bull and sugar also work well. Now that the shops open late to catch the desperate and time-poor Xmas shoppers, you do not have to wake up early to fit in a full day of shopping. However you still have to make sure you leave enough time. Two hours is not enough to buy considerate gifts for everybody. Unless you are one of those people who just buys everyone a box of chocolates, but then, you don't need this guide.

REMEMBER that there is an evil law working against you at this time of year. During all other months, when you are in any kind of retail environment, you will see a lot of things which you will look at and vaguely think about how they would make a great gift for X person. When you are actually looking for X's present, then nothing with appear remotely suitable, and you will have to search high and low for hours. Learn to accept this. There is nothing you can do to change it. While you are present shopping on a tight budget, you are also guaranteed to see thousands of things which you desperately want. If you have been searching for a nice top, then only now will you find one. Set aside some money for this eventuality. If you follow my budgeting advice, then you may have enough to buy yourself a small treat. However, this may mean sacrificing an intoxicant or two. Your choice.

NEVER leave your shopping to the last minute. Christmas Eve is not a good time to do anything except get drunk and watch stupid Christmas films. Oh, and in our family, we always eat pork on Xmas Eve. It's a good tradition. But no, you idiot, unless you are only released from prison, or an 18 hour workday on the 24th of December, do not hop now. Indeed, try and get your shopping mainly done by about a week before Xmas. Then bask in the freedom of the holidays.

Scabette's Guide to Xmas Part 1

Yes, the Festive Season. A horrible time. Compulsory joy, cheer, and visiting relatives. And yes, it is compulsory. Unless you are a devout believer of a different religion, you have no excuse. The whole of the Western world is celebrating right now. Atheism is no excuse. as any religious content has long since been replaced by plastic trees and confectionary. In many ways, the ancient pagans have won again, as we forget all about that Jebus dude and simply throw a mass party to try and forget how crap Winter is.
Sadly, though, Xmas is not yet just a massive party. It is an obligation, entailing chores, forward planning, deep thought, and of course spending huge amounts of money.

BUDGETING: You will think about how smart it would be, to start putting money aside for Christmas early. You will not do this. Nor will you be sad enough to buy all of the next year's presents in the January sales. Instead, you will reach December, think 'Oh shit, it's nearly Xmas!' and then see how much money you can get hold of. Your festive budget must be divided like so:

Gifts, cost the bare minimum you can get away with. This varies between recipients. Do not cut this too fine, unless you want to cause bitterness and resentment when you give a scented candle to somebody who gave you £20 worth of well-chosen CD. If you make an effort with presentation, then you can get away with rubbisher gifts. However, DO NOT rely on 'hilarious' novelty gifts. These are fine, but you MUST, ALWAYS give a real gift as well. As for which gifts to buy, you know your friends and family. But don't be too worried. Even if you make an epic screw up and give somebdy a really crap present, they won't hate you for it. If you think that they would actually hate you, then just don't get them anything, because they are obviously a bastard.

The Rest of The Money should be used as a survival fund. December is a horrible month, and therefore must be spent in a pub. Drugs, alcohol, chocolate, whatever your comforting poison is, then you should spend a lot of time with it. It might also be wise to spend some money on warm clothes. Although I really hope you don't need me to tell you that Winter is cold, wrap up warm or you'll catch a chill. And where are your mittens?

WARNING: Drink, drugs and compulsive shopping are almost guaranteed to ruin good budget intentions. Keep some money aside, or have a paycheck waiting, so you are not utterly skint by the 20th December. I do wonder, why I am giving out budgeting advice.
DISCLAIMER: If you follow my advice and end up skint, dead, or a social pariah, then it's really not my fault.