My phone is broken. Or rather, I stupidly broke my phone. Lost everything on it, so now I have to hunt down everyone I know and get their number again. At least my internet is working again. The BT dude came round today, and went to the box up the road. He just had to fix one wire, and now the webs are back in action.
News... this blog is meant to have news... Ah, the weekend was fun, went out with my love, had plenty to drink, and generally was happy. The Vaults in Derby is our new favourite bar, it is an awesomely chilled underground place with well priced and delicious drinks. Happy times.
And weird times, in a field, surrounded by mists under the full moon, smoking white widow and laughing and paranoid to fuck as people walked up out of the mist. Surreal yet beautiful. That stuff fucks with your brain something serious.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Monday, 29 September 2008
Pain
I've run the range, from the bottle to the razorblade, and still this pain is clawing its way through my chest. Still I can't quite breathe and the wrong word-image-association brings tears as all the broken edges rub raw again.
I haven't even written about him. But... I believed. Love.
Stupid bitch.
Too complicated. We had good times. Seven weeks. Seven weeks? Is that all?
And then he went to uni. Distance. And then... this morning. I knew it was on its way. For the past five days I've known. For the past five days I've wanted to cry. And then this morning it was finally over and finally there were tears and blood and pills and strong strong drink. I wish I was strong.
He says he loves me. Loves. Present continuous.
It feels like a long time ago when we were lying there and he said 'I love you.' I said I didn't believe in love.
Then I said I didn't know.
Then I said 'I love you.'
'I love you too.'
I meant it.
Now there's only pain. And now love is the most distant concept. As the evil in my mind says, why the fuck would anyone love me? Of course he doesn't love you. Idiot for thinking that.
They told me not to listen to negative self talk. Problem is, it's usually true.
I'm trying to cope the best I can. It only feels like I'm dying.
I haven't even written about him. But... I believed. Love.
Stupid bitch.
Too complicated. We had good times. Seven weeks. Seven weeks? Is that all?
And then he went to uni. Distance. And then... this morning. I knew it was on its way. For the past five days I've known. For the past five days I've wanted to cry. And then this morning it was finally over and finally there were tears and blood and pills and strong strong drink. I wish I was strong.
He says he loves me. Loves. Present continuous.
It feels like a long time ago when we were lying there and he said 'I love you.' I said I didn't believe in love.
Then I said I didn't know.
Then I said 'I love you.'
'I love you too.'
I meant it.
Now there's only pain. And now love is the most distant concept. As the evil in my mind says, why the fuck would anyone love me? Of course he doesn't love you. Idiot for thinking that.
They told me not to listen to negative self talk. Problem is, it's usually true.
I'm trying to cope the best I can. It only feels like I'm dying.
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