Being Forgiven for Doing Stupid Things

So I have an owner, M. Or should that be Owner, with a capital letter? Anyway, we have a good arrangement, where we are both allowed to do what we like, with whoever we want, provided we don't actually start a 'relationship' with them.  However, there was one single exception. I ask can I send pics to this person? Answer: NO. 

So guess what I did. 

Yes, I was deceitful, and I betrayed trust. I also woke up the next morning hungover and terrified and full of self loathing. There seems to be some horrible part in my mind which compells me to try and ruin everything. I don't deserve to be happy, and I'm going to be rejected anyway, so why not do it now, on my terms, sooner rather than later? 

That stupid part of my brain can go and die. 

I owned up to what I did. And he was not happy. But he didn't reject me, didn't just dump me. He decided that I should not any more speak to this person. So I obeyed. Me being weak has cost me. But it is a fair price, fair punishment. I don't know it's fair on the other guy though. I'm sorry to him. 

But M forgave me.