Yucky

*WARNING* This post is a depressing and annoying moan * ED trig*

I feel so gross today. 132 lbs. Just, really, what the fuck? Granted, I weighed myself after a big meal, but how much difference will that really make? I'm still too fucking fat. And yeah, I'm moaning, but what am doing about it? Nothing. In fact, I'm eating. Thats a great way to lose weight and tone up.

I don't want to go crazy here. I really can not be arsed with eating disorders any more. But I swear, if I don't do something, then I'll go insane anyway. I know the obvious solution to this is to diet. But my idea of 'on a diet' is everyone else's idea of 'a fucking deathwish' so really, let us not go there. Or... well, maybe... God no. Its not like I can do that anymore. If I don't eat right, I get sick way too easily. I've really sensitized myself to it.

Fucking Hell. This time last year I think I was 49 kilos. And I was in hospital after ODing. bviously, thin doesn't mean happy. But fat definitely equals depressed. Really, I want to get to a stable weight, around 8 st. 7lb. Thats healthy, but I don't look like a fucking whale. I'm just so disgusted at myself right now. I want to be sick just looking at myself. I want to jump off of a fucking bridge. In the interests of sanity, I have to lose weight.