So. Me.

I'm writing this just to try and sort my head out. Who am I, and what do I want?

Well, I am Scabette. I'm a female human, slightly on the short side, socially inept, and over-thinkative. I love to write. I'm trying to eat more natural foods and use more natural beauty products instead of dubious chemicals. However I don't know if I can give up hairspray or dye. I'm sensitive to sugar. I dress to make a statement and love playing with looks and outfits. I love attention. I'm shy. I don't take criticism well. I'm learning (slowly) to cook. Currently I can make stir-fry and vegan masala. Next I think I'll learn proper home-made soup. Music is special to me and Amanda Palmer is my favourite artist. Also love Rammstein, Siouxsie, Bauhaus, Placebo, Sexgang Children, Einsturzende Neubaten, Sigur Ros, Goteki, Nick Cave, Tom Waits, a mssive list of utterly disparate influences. Music makes me a stronger person.

I love books. Stories. I love looking at art and finding beauty in unexpected places.

I am conflicted. I don't know where I'm going. I want a tattoo on my head where my hair's shaved for my failhawk. I love people but I always feel lonely.

I need to get out of my head, it sucks in here.

Click this link.

Oil companies are still evil.

Things I have learn from American movies

I want to be attractive, because obviously being attractive makes you worth more as a person. Ugly people are only for comic relief, or are in fact evil supervillains. Ugly women are the most horrendous thing ever and have absolutely no value whatsoever. Fat women are unacceptable. Fat men can be funny but only if they are jolly and/or losers (see also, Seth Rogen). A physically unattractive man can pull a beautiful woman because she will see his other good qualities. A physically ugly woman will never end up with a hot man, unless she undergoes a miraculous tranformation. Intelligent women are always either frigid bitches or bespectacled nerds. They will always terrify the male characters. If a couple break up, they will be petty and cruel to each other. People will always feel more sorry for the man. Women are usually teachers or secretaries. If they have high-flying careers then this will be seen as an anomaly. No woman ever in the history of everything has ever had stubbly legs. Periods exist only so people can make PMS jokes. Men are expected to have good jobs, always, and be inept at all childcare or domestic chores. All women can cook, unless they are ditzy (in which case they will probably also be blonde.) All women are horny, all the time, unless they are unfairly denying sex to the downtrodden man. Men can eat whatever they want without putting on weight. All attractive women weigh 120lbs or less. They too can eat what they want, but will never be shown finishing a meal. Women hate other women and care more about men than their friends. They will talk endlessly about men but never about themselves. A woman can only be fulfilled if she is in a long term relationship and preferably married. However marriage for men is a terrifying prospect which should be avoided for as long as possible.
This entire post is only one of the many many reasons that movies annoy me.

Massive Depressing Whine

I am angry. And kind of fuzzy from spending all day staring at a screen. My summer is going to be a total loss, again. No festivals, no money. And I'm not allowed to borrow money, even money that I can afford from my parents. I want to go to Sunrise. I want to do stuff. Anything.
I'm supposed to be doing my final assignment right now, but I'm feeling pretty uninspired. It's 50% of my marks for the creative writing course, and the result of said course determines my worth as a human being, so I am a little stressed.
Also, the ongoing identity crisis, people coming after us for money, and the fact that I spend a lot of time wanting to punch my boyfriend and myself and everyone and everything around me, then I suppose I do have cause to be a little anxious.

I think I am most angry because I am coming to the end of my irresponsible dossing period. I start almost full-time home study in October, and will be applying to universities, and generally having to be responsible and such. This feels like the last summer. And all my hopes for it are already lost. I want to cry.

I want

To wear dreadlocks in my hair and live in the desert and be beautiful and love women and stargaze and write poetry and be a boy and wear high heels and be paid for sex and be a feminist and do charity work and teach english. I want to wear baggy trousers and dirty trainers and smoke spliffs in dives and wear miniskirts and fluffy boots and take ket at raves and go to festivals and meet people and run away to sea and drink wine in paris and germany and smoke shisha in morocco and get tattoos and trek through the jungle and fuck chicks with dicks and be in a fist fight and run marathons. I want to be androynous and feminine and masculine and strong and fragile and intelligent and sensuous and magical. I want to watch the sun rise over stonehenge and set in the pacific ocean and I want to hold hands and feel hands round my neck and be published in magazines and paint pictures and make scrapbooks and take photographs and play cards in the galley of a freighter and sleep where there are rats and walk round the world and ride horses on the steppes and sleep under the stars and drink martinis in plush hotels and seduce rich men and sleep on feather beds and get drunk on champagne and wear couture and protest social injustice and take many lovers and write journals and be amazed and amazing.

I want.

I HATE ZOMBIES

NYAAARGH GRAAAARGH AAARNGH GRAAARGH. Look at me I'm mouldy and gross.

Seriously, I hate zombies. Ever since the Zombie Survival Guide, it has, for some unknown reason, been cool to believe in the Zombie Apocalypse. Not like, actually believe, but some kind of ironic postmodern 'belief' which involves wearing stupid t-shirts and reading World War Z.

This rant is all Owner's fault. He is sitting next to me, reading World War Z and telling me about how AWESOME it is, and how ZOMBIES ARE REAL and how Max Brooks actually knows how the Zombie Apocalypse will go down.

Because, of course, there is such a thing as zombies. There is an actual zombie virus. Because if you say it is a virus, then that makes it sound scientifically plausable. No, wait, actually, it doesn't. BECAUSE DEAD PEOPLE ACTUALLY DON'T WALK AROUND EATING PEOPLE. On a wider more general rant, I hate it when people try to create pseudo-scientific explanations for supernatural horror phenomena (phenomenons?/phenomenon?/phenomeni?). It actually makes them seem less believable. Scientific theories have to stand up to rational examination, but if you just chalk it up to 'supernatural forces beyond our understanding' then you have a free ride to defy the laws of physics. This also works if you blame an obscure quantum phenomena, because quantum physics is basically witchcraft.

I also hate the wild conspiracy theories. There are zombies all over the place, but some kind of world wide government conspiracy is covering it up. As if. This scary all-powerful government can't sort out a budget, or give kids a decent education, or stop teenagers stabbing each other, so like Hell are they able to control and cover up a zombie outbreak. I hate conspiracy theorists. I met somebody once who genuinely believed that the Jews paid the Nazis to commit the Holocaust, and at the same time said JewNazis invented aspartame as an agent of mind control to make women more susceptible to subliminal advertising. Of course, in his warped mind, the Jews also commited 9/11. He probably actually believes in zombies too. And aliens.

So, basically, zombies suck, they are not cool. They may reflect our modern anxieties about consumerism and our paranoia about pandemics, but I do not care. HATE.

HATE

HATE

I came back!

Wordpress was scary and cold and lonely. I have decided to return.

A bunch of stuff has happened. We moved in to our new flat, and then after about a month, Owner's bestest man friend moved into the spare room. Now, I know that sounds pretty sucky, because I was all overjoyed about finally having our own place, but he pays us rent, and is out at work most days anyway. I should explain this guy a bit. Me and Owner and him had a threesome once, but for some weird reason we are mortal enemies with a desperate urge to wind each other up. It doesn't help that he is rascist, misogynist, homophobic, and obsessed with COD. Yeah, I know, that sounds like a stereotype, but that's Alex. He's alright really, it's quite nice having him around. We gave him his first drugs and everything. None of us had ever done K before, but we decided to buy a gram and see what happened. It was awesome. Everything became absolutely surreal. Music had power, and time and space seemed to shift at will. I love drugs. However, and especially if you're reading this as an officer of the law, I don't have any. I'm not even kidding. I wish I did, but I'm not rich enought to be able to keep a stash. If I had the money, I'd have a proper Fear and Loathing style box of tricks. For now, I will bide my time...

Anything else happening? Well, I need to write either 2,500 words of fiction, or 80-100 lines of poetry, or 1,200 words of fiction AND 40-50 lines of poetry in the next 14 days.

Also I think I'm going mental. Or just should not be allowed quite so much sugar and caffeine. Yeah, that's the only reason I finally got motivated to blog. I was considering starting an actual paper diary, but then I realised that we invented computers for a reason and I get hand cramp if I have to write in the real world. So, in my overstimulated daze of infinite possibility, I decided to once again spew random verbiage into the interwebs.

I will be posting a bunch more crap so watch out.