Anger

I've suddenly become an angry person. I think its PMS.

But really. I'm punching walls, smashing my head against walls, yelling at people for really odd reasons.

Everything is wrong. I only realised how irrational I was being when I had to turn some breadsticks around so they weren't pointing at me. Then I got pissed of when my brother moved them back round. They were pointing at me. BAD. BAD. BAD. Errrgh. I'm supposed to be doing German revision now. But to be honest, I can't focus enough. I think I'll go take a bath. Or something.

God I'm just so agitated. There are all sorts of rubbishes fleeing about inside my head. Family's problems. Problems. Random crap. What the hell. What the hell what the hell what the hell.
I'm pathetic. Totally pathetic. What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't it work?






What the hell what the fuck what am i even on about these days? I want to cry but i can't and I really don't know what is wrong I know there is something, but what? You can't be afraid of a nothing. But really, isn't the nothing what we all fear the most? Nothing happening, nothing. Empty. Alone. Dead and gone into eternal nothingness. Just no. I've been taking my meds I have I swear. I mean I really have I've been doing everything right I ate good I exercised I did work I went out. But everything goes wrong and all my monsters are here to eat me or maybe I will eat them you never know. Fucking eating disorders you never know which way they're gonna go.
Wait I don't have an ED i don't have a problem I have to tell the psychiatrist that I'm fine because she won't help me anyway. I want to leave. I thought I had left. No it all came back. I failed as usual. I should have been born dead it would have been so much less trouble. Smash your ugly face in you crazy bitch. What the hell. Really. This is like what it is in my head. It's all background noise, I can't usually make out what's being said, but its there and and it fills up and I want to escape but you really can't escape your own head is it? They hate you. Paintings I want to go home. Oh no oh god. Meow. Hahahahahahaha. Lalalaa. It all fades into an inaudible buzz. I've not heard voices, i don't even know what my mind is trying to tell me except that I'm fat and that something dread is going to happen but isn't it always? Maybe I should get some better meds. Tranquilisers or sleeping pills or something worthwhile. Something to fix everything and make me bright and beautiful. Hahahaha as if. Dreamer.