Schnapps

And yes... I really want to die. i think a suicidal post has been long overdue. And after the crazy strong weed and 3 quarters a bottle of cheap-ass fake Archers... well, this is fucking inevitable.

My arms are so ugly...

And I'm still friends with him. Love.. .. ... ..

No. None of tht crap. No such thing as love. See, I can deny its existance just because it doesn't work out for me. Fuck it. There's no such thing as me. Dissociation. Derealization. See, they think it's some kind of mental disorder but really its a gift.

Derealization/depresonalization is one of the scariest things anyone can suffer. It can make you feel like you're going crazy, that you're schizophrenic or that you're stuck in your dream world.

Symptoms :
- Feeling dead or like a walking zombie.
- Feeling as if you're a spectator watching a movie or just watching the world go by and that you're really not in it.
- Looking at your body from the outside
- Feeling like you're looking at the world inside a bottle and cannot escape
- Spacyness
- Feeling as if it is a dream and that you'll be waking up anytime soon.
- Watching a movie or television and thinking that you're part of the program.
- Emotional numbness
- Feels like looking through the world through a veil, or you might have extra sharp vision (due to dilated pupils).
- Amnesia. This is a medical emergency, it is a symptom of DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Or it could signal brain damage or severe depersonalization.
- Dizziness, lightheadedness, sensitivity to light and sound and blurred vision.


Above are just some of the symptoms, do any of yours sound similar?

What Causes Derealization/Depresonalization

- Depression, with or without psychotic features (very common)
- PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) (very common)
- Panic disorder, symptoms during a panic attack (very common)
- Generalized anxiety, obsessive-compulsive (very common)
- Repeated trauma, with or without PTSD (very common)
- Street drug abuse, particularly LSD and marijuana (very common)
- Physical stress (common)
- Menses (common)
- Sleep deprivation, extreme drowsiness (common)
- Viral/bacterial infection (common)
- Racing thoughts (common)
- Neurological disease (common for over 50 but rare for those under 50 to be causing the symptoms).
- Thyroid disease (rare)
- Schizophrenia (common for schizophrenics. Does NOT mean you have schizophrenia! Dissociation is not schizophrenia.)

Well, I now know why I think I'm a ghost. Which is possibly not the most useful discovery ever made.









Well, I just wasted a stack of time writing this blog which is never read, and I don't even feel any better for it. Narcissisim is not the cure.