This is not the beginning of anything. This is a time to plan, to wait while the world lies dormant under frost. Plans rushed into now will go nowhere. But ideas hatched slowly may well bloom with the spring flowers. And I have plenty of ideas.
2009 will be all change. I need it to be. This is a year of sink or swim, get out or get stuck. Extra care is needed this year to nurture the fire of dreams. So easy to let it die. I must seek out good fuels and feed the fire well. Nothing ever thrived on what I feed myself now. I'm not saying that I will clean up and reform my wreckhead ways. Fuck that shit. No, I am reclaiming the balance.
Less junkfood, fags, recreational drugs, timewasting, brainwasting, walking cold streets at night with people who let their dreams die down a long time ago.
More art, writing, wholesome foods, beautiful things, long walks, psychedelics, photography, music, inspiring people, strength.
And, distinct from what I do, I should work on what I am. I realise that I have become weak, bitter, spiteful, lazy, envious, greedy, mean, angry, sullen, dishonest and generally a lowdown woman who ain't no good. I have no idea how one goes about becoming a better person, but I'm sure I'll work something out.
Big plans, here. In 2009 I also finish my course, and will probably start another unit. I will also probably do a TEFL (teaching English as a foreign language) course. And maybe then I will travel abroad somewhere, either this year or the next. Oh, how wavering my commitments, Possibly, maybe, sometime in the future... Scratch that. I will do these things. I can't get into uni until I'm at least 21, as a mature student, so I have a year or two to put to good use.
And now that this has been recorded for posterity and read by other people, I will look a right twat if I don't manage to get at least some of this stuff done.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment