Scabette's Guide to Xmas Part 1

Yes, the Festive Season. A horrible time. Compulsory joy, cheer, and visiting relatives. And yes, it is compulsory. Unless you are a devout believer of a different religion, you have no excuse. The whole of the Western world is celebrating right now. Atheism is no excuse. as any religious content has long since been replaced by plastic trees and confectionary. In many ways, the ancient pagans have won again, as we forget all about that Jebus dude and simply throw a mass party to try and forget how crap Winter is.
Sadly, though, Xmas is not yet just a massive party. It is an obligation, entailing chores, forward planning, deep thought, and of course spending huge amounts of money.

BUDGETING: You will think about how smart it would be, to start putting money aside for Christmas early. You will not do this. Nor will you be sad enough to buy all of the next year's presents in the January sales. Instead, you will reach December, think 'Oh shit, it's nearly Xmas!' and then see how much money you can get hold of. Your festive budget must be divided like so:

Gifts, cost the bare minimum you can get away with. This varies between recipients. Do not cut this too fine, unless you want to cause bitterness and resentment when you give a scented candle to somebody who gave you £20 worth of well-chosen CD. If you make an effort with presentation, then you can get away with rubbisher gifts. However, DO NOT rely on 'hilarious' novelty gifts. These are fine, but you MUST, ALWAYS give a real gift as well. As for which gifts to buy, you know your friends and family. But don't be too worried. Even if you make an epic screw up and give somebdy a really crap present, they won't hate you for it. If you think that they would actually hate you, then just don't get them anything, because they are obviously a bastard.

The Rest of The Money should be used as a survival fund. December is a horrible month, and therefore must be spent in a pub. Drugs, alcohol, chocolate, whatever your comforting poison is, then you should spend a lot of time with it. It might also be wise to spend some money on warm clothes. Although I really hope you don't need me to tell you that Winter is cold, wrap up warm or you'll catch a chill. And where are your mittens?

WARNING: Drink, drugs and compulsive shopping are almost guaranteed to ruin good budget intentions. Keep some money aside, or have a paycheck waiting, so you are not utterly skint by the 20th December. I do wonder, why I am giving out budgeting advice.
DISCLAIMER: If you follow my advice and end up skint, dead, or a social pariah, then it's really not my fault.