=(

Disregarding all of my advice on living in the present, tonight I have fallen into dwelling on the past. You can not spend all of your time in the moment; the ability to remember, and to learn from the past, is part of what makes us human.
Memories flow, good and bad. Sadly, it is the bad ones which now float to the surface like scum on a pond. Somehow it is easier to remember the bad times, the tears and pain. I know, somewhere, there is love and laughter and brilliance, but for now, it is forgotten. The bad memories need attention.
Some parts of the past are useful: they are lessons to be learnt. And I have learned. Learned not to pretend to be something I'm not, not to lie for the hell of it, not to wear corduroy trousers. And maybe, if I was wiser, I would have learned a lot more, but I am not wise yet.
Other parts of the past are debatable choices. Some good, some bad. Was I right to leave school? Probably not, according to most people. But would I have survived if I'd stayed? All the 'what ifs' serve no purpose. And anyway, those are the kind of mistakes which can be repaired. You can get education any time.
Worse are the irreperable mistakes, the scars, the pains which stay raw. Reasonless hurts and random disasters, and the times when it really was my fault. The times when there was nothing I could do. Those are the ones which stick their claws in when I'm trying to sleep. Those are the ones which mean certain songs, certain scents, are now off limits unless I'm trying for tears.
Wishing to change the past. It does you no good. Save your wishes for the future.
The past is a realm for time to fade, smoothing jagged edges and softening the scars. Trouble is, old scars have a habit of itching, and when it gets cold, they still sting.