Guilt

I've ruined so many things. How can I live with myself?

How do I live?

I used to be alive. Then I was too alive. Now I don't know.

I do know that I have to figure this out for myself. Nobody can mend me. I have to rebuild myself now. I just have no tools, and all the pieces are so very jagged and bent and broken.

It would be easier to throw them away, but then there will be no more, and that is even more of a waste than everything else I've done. I need to redeem myself.

I just don't know how. And I'm scared. Absolutely fucking terrified.