Gross

I'm ill. The latent illness which was lurking in my body for so long has finally revealed its full strength. Now my throat, ear, head, sinuses and bronchii hurt. I awoke this afternoon, half-delirious with fever, and staggered downstairs to find my brother, Teddy, and an inflatable sex sheep. It was possibly the most disorienting experience of my life. Apparently my brother thought that a novelty sheep was the ideal Christmas present. It was so good, that he had to give it a month early.

Yeuch. I feel so disgusting I just want to curl up in bed and cry. My physical self esteem has randomly disappeared. I'm fat and ugly and hideous and horrible and disgusting and nobody could ever find me attractive. The idea of being naked in front of somebody? I'd run a mile if anybody even suggested it. It was hard to even accept a hug off Teddy. Everyone who I come into contact with, I expect them to turn away, repulsed. I don't get why I've sudenly fallen so far. Three days ago I was dancing around feeling, if not conventionally beautiful, at least pretty cool, appearance-wise. Where did it go? Is it because I possibly gained a couple of pounds? Because nobody is actively, blatantly trying to pull me? It's not like anybody has even suggested that I'm ugly. Indeed, I remember being referred to as a 'hot chick' quite recently. Yes, people use that phrase, without irony. Although they were drunk, so I don't suppose their opinion counts for much.
I need to get my confidence back.