When people feel alienated from mainstream society, they tend to join subcultures. But now the subcultures have become so exclusive, with so many rules and ideals, that they are hilarious.
I have no natural home. I flutter around between the punks, goths, 'alternatives', 'normals', ravers, stoners, unique human beings. Each group is ironically the same. I laugh at them all, I can identify with them all, and therefore I belong nowhere. I'm a culture-whore, running from the Chemical Brothers to Jefferson Airplane to Rammstein to TaTu to the Velvet Underground. Lately I have mostly been listening to goth, EBM and electro. Nine Inch Nails being the only example that you will have heard of. I haven't even heard of the rest. Alva Novalis? Huh? But they're good. I found them in a 'Gothic Compliation' I downloaded. I love random musical discoveries.
Sometimes I just wish I belonged somewhere. It must be nice to be able to think of yourself as part of a defined group. Then you know what you're doing, what might be fun, where you belong. Animals survive by specialisation, so maybe being a generalist is a bad strategy. Creatures like rats are generalists, and everybody hates them despite their evolutionary success. General handymen are paid less than specialist artisans.
Being a 'generally everything' is not getting me anywhere. My life is utterly lacking in focus. My music collection is bizarre, my education piecemeal, and my wardrobe an utter mess. I feel like I'm not expressing myself anymore, not bothering to discriminate between 'me' and 'not for me, thanks'.
I'm too cowardly, or too lazy, to bother being me anymore. I've fucking dissipated. Fail, again.
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