Reasons

I am not unhappy because of a traumatic past, or a chemical imbalance in my brain. It is not the fault of an oppressive capitalist society, or the lonliness endemic in a fractured society.

Oh, no. I am unhappy because I am a bad person. I am distrustful and suspicious of all other human. I frequently threaten violence. I am unintentionally but fundamentally dishonest. I am filled with the worst kinds of irony, cynicism and contempt. I have an unpredictable rage but sometimes I just sulk. I deliberately freeze out emotional relationships, preferring meaningless hedonism and easy detachment.

Maybe I was an asshole in a previous life, and now I'm in hell. But I was reborn with my misanthropy intact, thereby dooming me to fall ever downwards in the cycle. There are plenty of hells, you know.